Volume 2, #10, April 2004

Vignette from a Mentoring Relationship
by Mary Beth Burns, Ed.D.

In the last edition, Emily wrote to Sara regarding her most recent accomplishments in the area of time management. Sara’s response is as follows…

Dear Emily,
I’m pleased to hear of your progress! I think your decision to use a planner when you are not comfortable with gadgets and gizmos was a wise one. Many ADDers are intrigued with technology, but often discover after they’ve purchased a new Palm or Pocket PC that their well-intended gesture toward improving organization and time management has turned out to be a nightmare. The sudden realization of how much reading and set-up is involved can turn out to be a hindrance, instead of an aid. Finally, I was particularly glad to hear you took my advice and signed up for the full day seminar on how to best put your planner to good use. This investment of time will ensure a successful start.

I have reviewed your daily diary and would like to make some suggestions on how you might delegate some of your daily obligations, which in turn would free up some time for you. For example, I notice you spend a lot of time driving your daughter, Jenna, to and from school, Girl Scouts, cheerleading practices and other activities. I have a feeling regarding school that there is no bus service available in your area, or that she may attend a private school that does not offer transportation services. If so, have you looked into carpooling? Or is it possible your husband could take responsibility for transporting her to school one way every day? I have found that sometimes women with AD/HD are just so busy trying to keep up with their every day responsibilities that they don’t take the time to look for solutions.

Therefore, I suggest you start by asking your husband for driving support. Husbands are great about helping out, but don’t always think of offering. My experience has been that they tend to wait until you insist you need their help; or even worse, until you have a meltdown (this is typical at my house). In regard to finding other moms to share driving responsibilities, have you thought about asking Jenna’s Girl Scout troop leader and/or her cheerleading coach if they are aware of any other families in your area that may be interested in carpooling? Trust me; there are many other women out there who would love to cut down the amount of time they spend in the car shuttling their kids back and forth. Maybe Jenna’s troop leader and/or coach may be open to sending a letter or making an announcement at the next event on your behalf.

You may be thinking that the time you have in the car with Jenna is really quality communication time. I realize for many mothers, the time they spend driving their children around town is the time of the day their son or daughter is most likely to talk about his/her day. If that’s the case, you may choose to look for driving help to and from school and cheerleading practices, but save the weekly task of driving to and from Girl Scouts for yourself. You may even want to make it a girls’ night out and choose to go for pizza and a soda!

I have some other suggestions and ideas, but I think there’s a gold mine hidden in all that driving time, and would be a good place to start. Let me know how it goes and if you have any questions or concerns.

Sara

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